Potential
by Oh-Marvelous-Things
Summary: This is from Sunny's POV and would occur chronologically very soon after Kyle brought Sunny to the caves, but before the end of the Host.My first fanfic! NOTE: A sharp-eyed reader pointed out that Sunny was a bear, not a flower. Whoops! How embarrassing!


**This is a quick one-shot from Sunny's POV, and would occur chronologically very soon after Kyle brought Sunny to the caves, but before the end of the Host. Confession time: This is the first time I have ever written fan fiction. I had a blast. It was cool to step into Sunny's shoes, and to provide a much nicer experience with Kyle in relation to the bathing rooms.**

**"Potential"**

I stand stock still, listening to the rush of the sulfur spring through the dark stone passageway. I let the steam brush against my legs, and sticky condensation collects on my arms, my face, my back. I imagine it coursing through my mind as well, scrubbing the thoughts away, wishing it could erase my memory, and block out the last hour from my recollection forever.

It is so strange to imagine things – flowers don't have imagination. There's no need for it really, when you're rooted in the ground, thriving on nothing but sunshine all day. It was always daytime there. Always sunny, always beautiful, even buried deep under the ice.

Not here.

There was no _need_ for anything there. But on earth, the wants are so intense. I can want to be with someone so much, but at the same time feel so afraid of being with them that it pins me down, locks my muscles and sends my heart into a marathon sprint. So familiar, but so brand new. Like clockwork, the memories and dreams rush back with my quickened pulse. Along with the memory of his voice, a new feeling comes; new for me, and new for this body. Longing.

Of course it would be new - utterly alien - from every other stirring that Kyle causes inside me. Jodi never had to miss him. I remember that she and he were never apart, that he was always by her side - my side - until suddenly she was gone and I was the only one here. Alone.

All alone, but more than that. Lonely. The sharp memories that came even while my mind stumbled out of the anesthesia of insertion were of him, of loyalty, of desire – all there to show this body of how alone I was. His absence wasn't contained to my waking hours. From the first time I closed my eyes to this bright, strange world, my dreams were of him - his soft lips, his dark-lashed eyes, the rough brush of his unshaven cheek against this throat…

_Her_ throat. Not mine. Never mine.

I wait in the dark a little while longer and listen, to make sure that the bathing room is empty. I slip inside when I'm sure I hear nothing besides the rush and spray of the hot water. I feel a little guilty for taking up time in this room. It is one that everyone needs, that everyone uses, but it is somewhere private. For now, the need to escape the notice of the humans overpowers my desire to be accommodating. They all tell me I need to be less selfless, and in this moment of humiliation, I agree with them.

I creep over to the edge of the sulfurous pond, and the inky darkness surrounds me like a cocoon. I slip my socks and shoes off, neatly piling them next to me, and dip my feet into the pool. The soft, almost undetectable current soothes my tired feet, and I realize that I must have sprinted the entire way from the rec room. All of the misplaced adrenaline running through my limbs has made me jittery.

The adrenaline, the humiliation, and the sharp hard feeling of rejection all converge on me at once.

We'd been alone in the game room earlier today, talking about something silly – a memory we share, though at the time it happened I was deep in hibernation, hurtling through space towards this blue, strange planet. He was remembering how vehemently Jody hated grasshoppers – how contradictory it was for someone so tough and brave as Jodi to be unnerved by a little green insect. His deep blue eyes were so vivid, so happy in a memory that I realize now was not of me.

He had leaned his thick torso towards me to tease me about the phobia, and his face was so close, his eyes so happy. I leaned in, and inclined my head up to face his just as this body had done a thousand times before. I hadn't realized that I had been trying to kiss him until I opened my eyes and saw him staring at me - in a way that vehemently conflicted with the memories my mind has of what his stares should look like. It hatefully supplied the words to match his expression – surprise, reluctance, worry.

I jumped up and sprinted away before he could explain, apologize, or further reject me. I ran with no particular destination in mind; getting away from him was my main objective. I was fleeing, and it just happened to end here in the bathing room.

I silently thank the darkness that surrounds me. It feels good to be invisible, away from human stares. There had been a way to thank things like the sky, the sun or the ice, when I was a flower. It was like a prayer, only simpler. I am trying to think of the right word to describe it when I hear the gravel crunching near the entrance of the room. It's a heavy footfall; perhaps someone is coming in to wash up from working in the fields.

"I'm just about done in here," I call out brightly. I wouldn't want to embarrass whoever it is by not announcing my presence soon enough. They don't reply, but the footfalls get quicker, and heavier, and are suddenly in the room with me. The beam of a flashlight swings around manically.

"Sunny?" Kyle's voice rings through the space, full of relief. "I was worried when you up and took off," he sighs, his deep voice distorted a little by his heavy breathing.

"I'm sorry," I say in a voice so small that it is hard for even me to hear over the gurgling of the hot spring.

I see him rub his hand roughly over his face in the dim lamplight. He's set the flashlight base down on the ground, so that the cavern above us is illuminated, and I can just make out his hulking form. He leans over, turns it off, and I can tell by the crunch of the gravel that he's walking towards me.

I feel the warmth emanating from his body as he sits down next to me. He takes off his shoes, and slips his feet in the water with mine.

"Don't apologize to me, damn it," he says in low voice in my ear. "I'm sorry for embarrassing you. I just wasn't expecting it, you know? I've never kissed… you."

"Its fine," I say lamely. I'm not exactly feeling up for a conversation right now.

"Its just new for me, too, you know? I like you, Sunny. And liking you while you are looking for Jodi in your head, while I'm looking at you _and_ Jodi, at kind of the same time…its just such a weird thing to wrap my mind around, you know?" I can hear the smile in his voice.

I scoot closer to him in the dark over the rocky ground, more for reassurance than anything else. I want to tell him I'm sorry I've caused him pain, sorry we took his planet away, and sorry that I can't find her for him. More than anything else, I am sorry that when I look into his dark-lashed eyes, I sometimes don't mind so much that I can't find Jodi in my head. For the first time, I've found in him something I don't want to share. Shame washes over me for wishing for a scenario that would continue to cause him pain. How can a species feel so many clashing desires? Pain, love, want, fulfillment –

The brush of his rough, warm fingers across the side of my neck startles me out of my reverie, and I lose my train of thought entirely as I feel his hand move slowly up to cup my face. My strange human senses seem to go into overdrive, and I'm just as aware of the whisper of the hot spring and the soft eddies of water swirling around my feet as I am of the soft pressure of his hand on my blushing cheek, and his warm breath on my face.

He inclines his head towards me, and even in the dark I know exactly how to tilt my head so that my mouth meets his. I may be experiencing this for the first time, but my body knows exactly what to do – to draw back just a millimeter, and let him lean forward into me to meet my lips again. Without breaking contract with his warm, purposeful mouth, I curl my body towards him, and shyly run my toes up his leg. I grip the front of his shirt lightly with my hands as he exhales down the side of my neck. He leans in again, and lightly kisses my mouth… and then, once more. The warmth that spreads from his arm curled around my waist feels so new, and yet so familiar. My hands press against his chest, and he leans his cheek against the top of my head.

I lean back a little, and my eyes have adjusted enough to just make out his expression. My mind supplies the description, but it takes a few moments because of how unfamiliar it is in relation to Kyle - Shy. Nervous. Hopeful.

My mind reaches back to the other first kiss – Jodi's and Kyle's –remembering and comparing them in the same heartbeat. A new, welcome feeling of satisfaction and little bit of confidence make me smile. Our two first kisses – Jodi's and Kyle, and mine and Kyle's – are different. My experience was different from hers, but not necessarily inferior. Just – other.

His broad-shouldered, hard muscled physique is so incongruous with the look on his face just now that I smile. His eyes are uncertain, but quickly crinkle up when he smiles back at me. He takes my hand in his, which easily envelops mine. I look at his fingers, his skin rough and strong but still so warm, and I wonder at how this simple moment manages to outshine every single previous wonder I've experienced in this world - a place so filled with sights and smells and feelings.

"We'd better go back out. Wouldn't want to start people talking…" he says with a conspiratorial wink. The hope and potential I feel warms me almost as much as his huge hand, tightly holding mine, that swings between us as we walk out.


End file.
